Light it up and let it go
Don’t you see that you are not alone
Light it up and watch it fly
Because you can be anything you want tonight.
Don’t get so caught up in what should get done
That you forget what you love to do
Never take days for granted
Because they all come to an end soon
Just like the things we go through.
Wow. It has been a long week. I contracted the plague. Okay, not the plague, but another viral strain going around along with the flu. I missed two days of school. I didn’t want to do anything. I was coughing all night to the point where water flooded my eyes and I would nearly throw up. I wanted to cry because it turns out I am not invincible.
At night, I was coughing so much that I went to an urgent care where I met this insanely sweet Nurse Practitioner.
“I’m Deborah and I’m going to be your nurse practitioner,” she said, walking in with a smile that could’ve lit up the whole planet.
“So we’re looking at a really bad cough?” she asked me.
“I have the plague,” I said, jokingly.
“Certainly does feel like it right?” she said, laughing. “You don’t have a sore throat?”
“Nope. I’m confused. I don’t have a fever, so I can’t have the flu. I’m not coughing enough to have pneumonia, and again I don’t have a fever or a sore throat so I can’t have bronchitis. It has to be something else.”
She looked into my ears, and then asked me to take deep breaths. Afterwards, she said, “You’re absolutely right. It’s definitely viral, so I can’t give you anything. It’s another strain. You just have to keep taking cough medicine,” she takes the stethoscope out of her ears.
“Okay so I took cough medicine the other day and I swear it made me start wheezing. I think it’s because it had expectorant in it,” I said.
She smiled. “You’re right. Your lungs were clear. There was nothing for the expectorant to help you cough up, which is why it made it worse.”
Dang. Self diagnosed like a pro.
She went on, “If it is the same one that’s going around, it’ll get worse in a few days and then taper off for a few weeks.” My dad and I start laughing.
And we had this hilarious conversation about flu shots being ineffective this year and about how everyone who is coughing is contagious.
“So I don’t have the flu.”
“And I don’t have pneumonia.”
“Nope,” she said, smiling.
“And I don’t have bronchitis.”
“So I’m not going to die,” I said.
“Yes,” she said, laughing.
“But I have a virus that makes me cough till I nearly puke, and it’s going to last for a while. So I still am going to die.”
“Pretty much,” she said. We all started laughing again.
“Everyone is calling it the plague but it’s not funny!” I exclaimed, laughing.
“Well we laugh, because what else can we do,” she said.
I don’t think that God purposely made me sick so I could meet her, but I’m so glad I met her. I had been questioning whether I would actually want to be a doctor if they just spend 2 seconds with you and then write you a prescription.
But I want to be like her. I want people to spend 10 minutes in a room with me and just instantly feel better. And all she did to make me feel better was her job.
That’s not how the story ends. I dragged myself to school Friday expecting the worst, but all my teachers were so nice to me I have no idea what I did to deserve this.
The little things are really not appreciated enough sometimes. They are the big things. So hold on to them for dear life and don’t take a single one for granted.
Thank you for such a terribly amazing week. Thank you for giving me the strength to show up, even when I don’t want to, or have no motivation to do anything. I continue to pray that I would not get senioritis and stop trying in school. And please, continue to heal me from this sickness, as it is really annoying.
If you are still calling me to be a doctor like I always thought you were, please continue to reveal that to me. But if you want me to be doing something else, that’s okay too. I pray you would keep my heart open for you. I continue to pray for breakthrough in my college financial aid packages and my future. I pray for my calculus test Tuesday, that I would not fail the last first test of the semester.
I pray that with whatever I am supposed to be doing, that it would be clear and that I would feel confident in the abilities you’ve given me. Because I still don’t know what I’m doing. But I know doing that doing the best I can today is the best way to prepare myself for what you want me to do tomorrow.
And so I sing:
When you speak
A hundred billion failures disappear
Where you lost your life so I could find it here
If you left the grave behind you so will I.
I can see your heart eight billion different ways
Every precious one a child you died to save
If you gave your life to love them so will I.
Like you would again a hundred million times
But what measure could amount to your desire
You’re the one who never leaves the one behind.